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Writer's pictureHannah Parrett

What is separation anxiety?

For me, this is a term given to a collection of behaviours a dog displays when they haven't been taught what to do with solid physical boundaries, they haven't been taught what to do when alone and haven't been prepared to have a long (or short) period of boring, isolated down time.

'Symptoms' can vary and range in severity from following their person around the house (a massive red flag!); pacing the house with people in it; and not wanting any closed doors between them and their person, to full blown panic involving noise, mess and destruction.

The red flag symptoms tend to progress to full blown panic if left unaddressed.

Dogs can absolutely adapt to being left in a house alone for periods of time, but they have to be first prepared physically and mentally to do nothing for a few hours, and then be taught what to do for those boring few hours.

Both of these things take time to learn, so it's unfair to expect a dog to be left for fifteen hours straight off the bat with some light preparation.

What should the preparation look like?

To be ready to sleep and do nothing, a dog needs to be as prepared as we would need to be, assuming we weren't interested in the TV and Netflix wasn't a thing. Imagine having to sit in a room, and have nothing at all to entertain you. No book, no TV, no gaming, no interaction, no streaming, no youtube, no cooking, no cleaning, no ability to control your immediate environment, nothing AND no toilet. That's what we have to prepare our dog to accept.

So to prepare a dog - we need to assure he's empty of pees and poos as much as possible, I wouldn't leave a dog with separation anxiety a large bowl of water because if you're a dog shut in a house, that's pretty much one of the only things to do - drink the water, and the subsequent needing to pee in an hour's time can cause huge amounts of stress if they're normally fastidious. Provided the alone time isn't very long and/or the house isn't very hot (over 18 degrees - dog's hate hot houses), a tiny amount of water for emergencies is fine.

So we can prepare him physiologically by being careful about when he last ate and drank, and ensure he has been to the loo before we leave. We then need to prepare his body physically so he's more likely to want to rest and relax. This is done using as much out of the house time as possible, preferably travelling, preferably somewhere interesting and novel, but not too stimulating.

If I knew I had to be in a house doing nothing for eight hours, I would want to run almost a marathon the day before so I wasn't interested in moving about much. Your dog will tell you how much exercise he needs by being unable to relax in the house if he hasn't had enough.

So he needs to be approximately in energy and stimulation deficit to be prepared to be left physically (which has an obvious mental knock on effect).

He then needs to be taught what to do when we are out.

For this, he needs to be taught over time that in the house, he goes to his bed and stays there. I teach my young dogs this from eight weeks or younger if I have bred them. The house is a place of rest. For this to be so, they have to (HAVE to) have enough out of the house time for their individual needs - a full, active, outdoor, sociable life with a person is ideal for this, but being left whilst someone works full time, all week is much harder for a dog to cope with, especially a young dog. They can learn to accept it, but they won't be living their best life and may be a bit blue most of the time.

Your best test of whether your dog understands 'go to bed and stay there' is for you to teach them to go to bed and then move around. You will find where their thresholds are for you disappearing out of sight. You might find you can't move at all without them getting off their bed, or you might find you can do anything except touch the front door handle.

Repairing this for your dog is essential to his comfort and peace whilst you go out, and for your ability to go and enjoy yourself without your dog occasionally!

He is best taught how to go to bed and stay there when he is already tired and you have well prepared him ahead of time. Then just keep putting him back on his bed whilst you're in the house. The best time to start this is during the evening, after a busy day, when everyone in the house is sitting quietly. This should be a cue for your dog to do the same, but won't be in one with separation anxiety. He may feel he needs to be very close to you to be able to relax and lie down (on your feet or lap for example). If you allow this at all times, he will really struggle when you leave, he needs to be comfortable being some distance from you on his bed. Just keep putting him back on it!

There will be a million tutorials on youtube about how to teach your dog to go to bed and stay there, which you are much better off looking at than having me waffle on here.

Where the bed is in relation to doorways, corners, warmth, light, sound and smells will all be important to your dog and will affect his ability to stay there. The shape, depth and comfort level of the bed for your dog's body shape, age, amount of fur, body condition and desired sleeping position will also strongly affect your dog's ability to stay on it.

Once you have taught your dog to go to bed and stay there whilst you move around the house, and you have prepared him physically to be left, you can start very slowly increasing the amount of time you disappear for. Starting initially with something as simple as making a cup of tea out of sight, to opening and closing the front door without leaving, to leaving for five seconds and on from there.

Some additional keys to success include, totally ignoring your dog whilst he's on his bed. If you look at or think about him, he will assume whatever you're doing is about him.


Note:

The ignoring him is actually the release of pressure (see pressure and release post), and not a mean thing to do to a worried dog. He needs to know he is right and whatever you're doing next has nothing to do with him, this must include a release of pressure or he'll be confused - your thoughts, focus and eyeballs all constitute pressure - so keep them off him!).


This includes ignoring him on your return, so your return doesn't constitute A Big Event.

You should find that once your dog is prepared to be left physically, is tired, and learns to go to ned and rest anytime you are in the house, he will seek out the comfort of it and will be a generally more relaxed dog for the rest of his life.

Once your dog understands all of the above, all the rules go out of the window and you can have him sleeping on your feet again and give him a huge kiss when you get back. As long as you attune to his behaviour and notice if he starts pacing about the house, or following your needily again, in which case repeat the above!

If you have any questions, please do drop me a line, I'd love to hear how you get on :)



NB Separation anxiety is one of my special subjects and I am very happy to take on dogs that have been deemed hopeless cases by other trainers.




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